My First Post...in a while

Sooo...it's been about two years now since I last wrote an entry in a blog. K-berker.blogspot.com stayed up for two years, blogspot didn't erase my account. But yeah...let's see, oh yeah. Okay, Tuesday after my running class I was sitting on a bench outside enjoying the cool weather, and I was listening to a CD I borrowed from Sean. When I sat down on the bench, Counting Crows rendition of "Big Yellow Taxi" came on and I just sat there listening to it. I really like that song, and for some reason it stirred up all these thoughts and I started to ponder life and everything. I guess that's when I decided I needed to start blogging again. I just think a lot, and I thought I should write it down...

So, I was supposed to blog on Tuesday, because that was the day I decided to bring my blog back, but this week has been pretty crazy! So when I got back to my dorm on Tuesday I created my new blog account and was just about to blog when my computer wouldn't let me write in the box where you write stuff for your blog. It had been doing similar things like this before, so I decided to download the windows update to see if that would fix it. Well, this was a really big update, so I decided to take a nap since I had just gotten back from running class and I was tired and the update was going to take a while. So, I wake up, and the update is finished and I can finally blog, but I felt soo sick. Basically, I just had a really bad cold and it has lasted all week and I've been stuck in my dorm for something like 4 days. Today I went to the on-campus doctor and he told me the cold developed into a sinus/throat infection. So he gave some prescription medicine (yesss) and now I'm on that. Today, I almost left class because I couldn't breathe. It was the weirdest most awful feeling. All my sinuses are just so blocked up it's hard to get a lot of air through. I'm feeling better now though kinda. I mean, I'm still alive at least which means I have been breathing, so that's good. But, it's a Friday night, and I'm just kinda sitting by myself in my dorm room.

Soo, funny story. Well, you know how I said I had running class on Tuesday? Well, we actually had our final exam that day, which was a 2-mile run on the Rec Center track. I had to make a certain time to get full credit, and I'm not in too good of shape right now. So, I was talking to Sean online an hour before the test and I was telling him that I was going to listen to some good music while I was walking to the rec for my test to pump me up, you know. So, Sean's like, well, listen to "Eye of the Tiger". And I'm like, well I don't have that on a CD, so I guess I can't. But then he's like well I have it on a CD, so come over and get it. Sean lives on the complete opposite side of campus from me, but I really thought this song would give me an A on this test. So, I go over to Sean's, get the CD, and walk to the rec listening to eye of the tiger. You know, I was thinking about how I was "just a man with his will to survive". I was like yeah, this is survival of the fittest. I gotta beat all these people in my running class and run hard for my GPA. I gotta have the "eye of the tiger"...that fierce competitive look in my eye that says no one will beat Kyle Baker. Well, the song didn't help me out too much. I guess you could say 2/3 of the people passed me and I didn't make the time required for full credit. I crossed the finish line and seriously staggered to the side and just layed down. It was pathetic...But I figured out later why I think I didn't do very well. That was the day that I realized I was sick, but I didn't really get sick until later that day. But you know, when you're sick, you don't really realize it because your body is fighting it internally for about two days or so before you start to show symptoms. So, I'm thinking that my body was a lot weaker because it was fighting off this virus inside and I was trying to run really fast, but it just wasn't a good combination.

So, when I was sitting on that bench on the a&m campus, listening to counting crows, enjoying the cold weather, I just wanted to share it with someone. I hate that feeling. It happens every now and then. It's so bittersweet...because it usually happens in the times that I'm enjoying myself the most, but I'm by myself. I just get that feeling that I want someone special to share my happiness with, to share the weather, the good music with. Sometimes I just wish I could know that I can call a certain someone that loves to see that I am calling and just say let's go do anything, and that's fine. It doesn't matter what we're doing, just that we're doing something, together. I'm okay though with where I'm at. Sometimes I find myself wanting someone like that, but I know that God will allow that to happen at the right time. It's just hard sometimes to trust in that, to have faith in that. I worry sometimes that it won't happen like I thought it would, or that it will just never happen period. But that's just me doubting. All this reminds me of a quote one of my friends showed me: "One of the things I love best about God is that He does not frown on our dreams. He simply longs to surpass them." So I don't need to worry, God will bring the right girl along at the right time.

That reminds me...not that I really needed to be reminded. More like that was a transition to my next thought - that God is awesome. There are so many things that I don't understand in this world, and there are so many things I can't handle on my own, but God is always there and He's always constant. Even when I kinda turn my back on him, He's waiting for me to turn back around. When I feel alone or in need, all I have to do is talk to Him, tell him that I need His help. Even when it feels sometimes that I'm talking into thin air and no one hears me, God is always so faithful to answer my prayers and show me that he heard me. And when I feel alone and that I want to share things with someone, He's right there telling me that He's my best friend and I'm not alone. I have such a great God, and I can know I'm never alone. That's tizzight.