Why Am I Posting At 9 am?

I didn't go to bed last night...I'm pretty tired. Well, the thing is, I have a quiz in calculus today, and I knew that I needed to study for it or I wasn't going to do well at all. But I didn't want to study, because I had to study a lot. And I couldn't go to bed without studying, because either I'd lie awake in bed thinking about how I didn't study and feeling guilty or I would sleep in until 10 minutes before my first class and then not leave myself any time to study in the morning. So, that's why I didn't go to bed. Makes sense, right?

I went to eat breakfast this morning for the first time in a while. It was pretty good, but thirty minutes later my stomach starting hurting really badly. I think it's from the orange juice. Being at college, I haven't had much orange juice at all this past year, where I used to drink it a lot more because my mom bought it and it was in the fridge. But now I have to buy it, and that's a whole different story. But, it came with my meal this morning, so I had it. But you know, orange juice is really acidy, so I think it was eating away at my stomach lining or something. But, for serious, orange juice can make your stomach hurt because it has so much acid in it. I think. Another strange thing I did this morning was grocery shop. Yeah, it's weird. I was grocery shopping at 8 in the morning. The thing is I hadn't been out to my car in almost two weeks, and I start to get worried about it. Wondering if maybe one of the tires was flat, or someone ran into it, or if for some reason the A&M parking police decided I did something wrong or made up a new rule and then decided to tow my car. So I went out to check on it. Then I decided I needed to drive it too, just so it wouldn't feel neglected or anything. I ended up going to Wal-Mart. So, that was fun. Got some easy mac, bottled water, animal crackers, stuff like that. And on the way home, I got my car washed at the Shell station. It was a laser wash. Ohhhhh, nifty. So, my car is feeling better about itself today.

So, this morning I realized something. I don't really have anybody that I know will always be there for me, always want to hang out with me, that I don't have to worry about anything concerning them...Maybe it's a negative thing to think, but I don't care. I'm thinking it. It seems like 99% of the people around me have someone like that. Maybe it's a girlfriend, maybe it's a best friend, or just a group of friends that are always there for you, and call you every weekend and ask you to hang out with them. I really wish I had something like that. And it wouldn't be so bad, but I used to think that I had those things, but I was fooling myself. I used to think I had a girl that would always be there for me, and just being me was enough. I thought that even if I messed up, it would be okay, because I mess up sometimes. But, that fell apart. And things just turned out like I never thought they would. And I used to think that I had a best friend, but I was just fooling myself there too. It kind of has to be mutual to count, right? Ok, so the term "best friend" is kind of stupid, I'll agree. But I mean it in a way to shorten what best friend means in my head, which is basically what I said at the beginning of this paragraph. I just hope that it won't always be like this. It's not like I'm unhappy, because I'm really not. I mean, I have God in my life, and that brings hope and joy to every part of my life. But sometimes this part just gets me down. But the only reason I have any hope is because of God. And I trust in His plan for me concerning now, and the future. But I think about it a lot, and I think it's safe to say that the worst feeling in the world is loneliness.

I gotta go study. I hope the way I ended this blog post didn't seem depressing or any of the many things it could be taken as...I just wanted to express how I felt is all. That's what this blog is for, right?