women...ugh

I don't really understand girls. It seems like all my relationships with girls are just very shallow, and at the surface. They don't really get deep. I hate that...I like deep relationships. And anytime I get deep with a girl, it's great. I mean, it doesn't happen much, but when it does, I really enjoy it. It's really nice to get to know that person, and share stuff with her that I don't really tell other people. And just be open and myself, and have fun being with each other...not really worrying about stuff you worry about with other people. But, somehow, it always seems to end. And then, you find yourself never really talking to that person anymore. This person that you shared a deep part of you with is gone, and you're expected to be okay with that. I just find it hard to accept that someone you loved being with and shared a big part of yourself with, you're supposed to act like they are just another ordinary person. I can't do that, because to me, they aren't ordinary. They held a special place in my heart, and I will never think of them as just an ordinary friend or person ever again. I just can't do that. Sure, I'll move on, but I just can't think of them and not feel a tiny bit of pain, because I miss them. And when these relationships are over, and things are settled down and life is back to normal, it's time to move on and meet new people, make new friends. That's where I find that all my relationships with girls are just...shallow. I want to be real; I want to be myself. But, either being real isn't accepted or good enough...I don't really know, but for whatever reason I just feel like I'm not good enough for a lot of girls. Don't take this the wrong way; I do not find my identity in what girls think of me. But yes, it does matter to me and sometimes I just really wish I could be myself and go beyond the surface. Man, I'm starting to confuse myself now from thinking too much. Basically, I just want to be myself, and have deep, meaningful relationships because of that. And, I say this addressed mainly about girls because I feel like I can be myself with a lot of my closer guy friends, and they accept me and like me for who I am. But, girls...man, I feel like I have no idea what they are thinking, or why they do the things they do. I know there are girls out there who, when I'm around them, I don't feel like they're aliens. I've met them, and my time with them was great. But, for whatever reason, that's over. And I have to just trust that God is going to bring some other amazing people in my life. But for the time being, I go back to where I started - I do not understand girls.