All I Want For Christmas Is Youuuu

So, I was just talking to Crystal Markowski(Lil Kow), and she read my blog right after I posted it and could tell I was quite downcast. So, being the good friend that she is, she knew that I needed something to cheer me up. Haha, I'm laughing thinking about it. So, in attempt to cheer me up she sent me first a song that I had to listen to while I looked at a picture that she was about to send me. So, the song was "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey, and she sent me this picture that was taken an hour before of her dancing around in her room while listening to that song. Haha, it was a really funny picture. And plus, it was Crystal, and she's little, and it just makes it funnier. Crystal isn't actually that little, she's pretty normal sized, but it's just kind of a thing that some people from KHS associate with Crystal. Haha, but it's a good thing. Anyway, the combination of listening to Mariah Carey and seeing this funny picture really cheered me up. I wonder if my suitemates or anybody in the hall heard Mariah Carey coming from my room? Wow, guys dorm + Mariah Carey = weird. Anyway, thanks Crystal for cheering me up. We need more Crystals up in here, up in here.

Fer shizzle.

Physics = Bad

Arg, I'm taking a break from physics...we have a test tomorrow. I'm trying to do this homework and I really just cannot understand it. It is so frustrating. I mean, I feel like this stinkin physics is getting way too advanced. This should be Physics 2. So, I'm writing in my blog to take a break so that I don't go crazy or something. I probably will end up going crazy though.

On a not too good note, my cat back home in McKinney(Dallas) has been lost for three days. She sneaks outside sometimes but usually comes back to the door within a few hours. Well, my parents told me she never came back and she's lost. They have been searching all over the neighborhood and put up signs but no luck yet. Another bad thing about that situation is that McKinney is kind of a newly developing area, so there are still a lot of pastures and wild animals and stuff. So, coyotes occasionally wander into our neighborhood. There have been stories of them eating cats. So, there's a chance that a coyote might have gotten my cat. Gosh. Usually I'm pretty optimistic about these kinds of situations, and I still am, I mean, I'm hoping that she'll show up soon or someone will find her. After all, her name and our phone number is on her tag. Someone's bound to find her. But what if she never comes back?? It's just kind of a sad situation. We've had her since I was in elementary school. If you want to, you could pray for her to come back. That would be cool.

It's raining and thundering and lightning outside. I really love thunderstorms. I feel like I'm missing out on it tonight, though. I'm not used to experiencing thunderstorms inside of a dorm room. I'm used to being in a house, where there are big windows everywhere and the walls aren't cinder blocks and it's quiet so you can hear the "pitter-patter" of the rain on the roof. And you can actually see the lightning and hear the thunder beyond a muffle. I feel like I should be outside or something. I kinda wanted to call someone and be like, it's thunderstorming. But, I couldn't think of anyone to call. Well, I mean, there were people I could call, but it just didn't make much sense I guess.

I'm in a pretty blah mood right now, considering I'm confused in physics and my cat is lost...and I guess the thunderstorm made me feel a little lonely. Arg, whatever.

Too Good?

Well...it's about 6 in the morning. I got a lot of sleep the night before and slept a lot today during the day so I wasn't tired at all tonight so I've just been messin around and haven't gone to sleep. I was just lying in my bed, though, trying to get a little nap in before my 8 o'clock class (yessss, haha), and I had this kind of profound thought:

So, this week has been pretty good for me. Everything has worked out pretty well and just lots of little good things have happened that has made it one of my best weeks in a long time. It's actually weird, because I was thinking earlier tonight that it felt really weird for things to be going so well. I'm just so used to struggling with something in my head or with something tangible. To be honest, I'm not really used to not having to deal with something/be worried about something. It's just been a long year, I guess. But the profound thought was this-I almost felt like I wanted something to happen that I would have to deal with. Not that I want any pain or anything like that. I was afraid that something bad was going to happen that would take me off this "high" that this week has put me on. I almost just wanted it to happen so I could relax and not worry about it. Also, you know how when things are going great you think you're fine on your own, you don't need God's help or anybody else's help, and that everything is just going to happen the way you want it to? Well, I wasn't at that point, but I was really afraid of getting to that point. Because you start to get that way without even knowing it, and then BAM!, something happens that knocks you back to your senses and makes you realize that you're not fine on your own. I'd rather not have to have that shocking and painful realization. I'd rather just be put in my place now and be pretty content with the fact that even if there are things going on that I have to deal with, life is great because God is helping me with my burdens. I want my joy to be centered in the true source of all joy and happiness-God, and not my false complacency that comes from a "good week".

So, tonight, something disappointing did happen. I think I'm kind of relieved. But it wasn't something all that bad. The conclusion of the whole thing was actually very good and I'm happy with it because I know that this situation will turn out for the best for right now and I'm very happy with what I have in this situation. But the fact is, my hopes did get let down a little and it did hurt a little bit. Just a little. But the point of this is that finally something happened that I didn't necessarily want to happen. What I would have "wished" for didn't come true. But, even though it was a little disappointing at first, I am confident that this is what God wants for now and that's it's so much better for me, among other people, for right now. I'm glad that everything doesn't work out the way I want it to at first, because God has soo much more in store for me...and you.

That was just a weird conclusion I came to and I just found it kinda interesting. I don't know if all my thoughts about that are necessarily right, and it's not like I want to be sad. Because I don't at all. I think more than anything, I just want to be sure that my joy is found in God, not the unstable things of this world.

Deuce off the roof!
Kerplunk.

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Two Cactuses = Cacti

You know, I'm tired of writing in my profile or my blog as a way of venting my emotions or feelings, and by emotions and feelings, I mean not good ones. I used to write in them just to say goofy things, something good that's going on in my life, or other happy things. I miss that...it's not going to be this way much longer though, I have a feeling. I have faith at least.

I guess I can start now-

Sooo, I got a ticket the first week of school, and I've been procrastinating doing defensive driving until now, because now I really have to do it otherwise I won't have it done in time for the court date and then I'll have a warrant for my arrest! That's why I'm up at crazy hours of the night blogging. I know what you're thinking...a warrant for your arrest is exciting. I mean, what's more exciting than running from the law? Not much. But they'd probably get me, and then I'd be in jail. And I'm kinda a sensitive guy so my cellmate would probably be really tough and would say mean things to me and I'd get my feelings hurt. Then everyone would make fun of me. So, yeah, I'm doing defensive driving. It's actually really funny. I'm learning all sorts of new things about driving that I never knew before. It's kind of brainwashing me...brainwashing me to be a perfect driver, so I guess that's not all bad.

I have a pet cactus in my room that I just looked up at. I just realized I haven't watered it in a while...but then again, it is a cactus. Maybe I should see how long it could go without water...no, I love my cactus. That would kinda be mean. I'm thinking I should name my cactus, that way if I'm lonely or something I can talk to it. Because you can't really talk to something that doesn't have a name. But if you name anything, you can definitely have a conversation with it...at least one-way. Now that I think about it, it's a really cool cactus. It doesn't have those spikes that look or feel painful when you touch them. They are actually really soft at first, and you think you could just rub your face on it or something. I've never done that though. But, anyway, so you think it's safe to touch it and then like 5 minutes later your fingers start to hurt really bad and you have these crazy cactus spikes stuck in your fingers that you can't get out. They pretty much bury themselves in your skin. My cactus is a silent predator.

What should I name my cactus? Honestly, I need suggestions. I really am going to name it.

The God of All Comfort

Wow. Life has been tough lately. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff that I can't handle on my own. I'm so happy that God wants me to just give it to him to handle, though. God is so awesome and I love him so much. Aside from me going through a lot of stuff lately, I have seen a lot of other people that I care about a lot that are struggling with things too. I've just realized lately that life can be a lot to handle sometimes. Don't get me wrong, though, life is such an awesome thing and God gave it to us to enjoy. Just, sometimes, he allows us to go through trials, so he can accomplish his purpose. I was reading this passage in the Bible that a friend recommended for me to read, and I just thought it was really cool. So I'm gonna write it out here.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort...We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us." 2 Corinthians 1:3-10

He is the God of comfort and deliverance. How cool.

I've also realized lately that I have some really good friends and family. God has used them so much to help me get through a lot and display his love for me. I've heard that at college you really begin to make your closest, truest friends, because you're not just friends with people anymore because you're in class with them or because you've seen them at school every day since you've been in school. I think that's true. I have some really good, true friends. And I love my family so much. They're awesome too. I hope I can use what I've learned through these hard times to comfort my friends, or anybody, in the future. I think that's one of the coolest things about that Bible passage, how it says that we can comfort others through the comfort we received from God. That's such an awesome thing, I think.

It's so cold outside, and it gets dark soo early. It definitely feels like November. It's this type of environment that makes you think a lot.

Well, that's all I have to say I guess.

Fall Is Weird

I never thought I'd play football with a girl that was better at it than me. But, um, yeah, I think that happened today. Well, I mean we were just throwing a football. I think if it was one-on-one contact football I would have dominated, but she was throwing these nice little spirals to me and catching everything I threw to her. I couldn't seem to throw a spiral, it was kinda...embarassing I guess. I wasn't really embarassed, but I'm ashamed of myself. So, you're asking, who is this girl that is good at football? Ha, I'm not going to tell you.

Actually, her name is Jessica. I met her at impact briefly and we kinda re-met each other the other day by chance and we've been hanging out. She's quite a cool kat, and we're going to Breakaway tonight. Her screen name is LilBeast which I think is funny. But she's not a hairy beast, just a little beast. And she lived in Thailand. And she knows what the names of the Indonesian islands are...like Java, Sumatra, Jakarta. You know. I mean, I always thought I was cool because I knew that, and she knows that too so she's cool too...? So hooray, I've made another new friend.

I did a lot of "athletic" things today, in addition to football. It was a good day to do athletic things; I don't think the weather could get much better than today. I had my running class, and surprisingly I made it through. I didn't think I was going to be able to breathe with my congestion, but apparently I could. Then Sean called me and we threw a frisbee around. Well, actually, after his 5 minute attention span wore out he just picked up a large stick and started to bat the frisbee down when I threw it to him. Then he threw acorns and rocks at me. And then when he decided to throw the frisbee back to me, he would throw it really badly and proceed to tell me when to jump and when to dive in order to catch it, as if I didn't already know. Geez, I'm an expert frisbee...person. That guy is crazy though. Even though today I pretended I was annoyed with his antics, I was laughing inside. We also saw a squirrel with a collar and we cornered it. It actually kinda worked. It was fun, because we like squirrels. If you ever catch one, give it to me please.

The past few days have been kinda weird. Well, my voice has been gone for a few days now, because my sickness morphed into congestion that seeped over my vocal cords. My sickness changes every day, but I'm hoping this is the last phase of it. But anyway, about my voice being gone, I never realized how much I like my voice. It's really annoying to not sound like yourself and having one word in every sentence just not come out. Today has been better though, and I am actually very grateful for that. Pretty soon, all you people will be able to hear my melodious voice once again, and it will be a happy day. Hopefully that happy day will be tomorrow. But aside from being continually sick, I still feel like things have been weird lately. There's something about fall...I just feel stuck in this rut of school. The same routine, and even though I've been doing stuff, I just feel bored and alone. I blame it all on the time of year. I know I'm not alone though, so it's all good.

I'm listening to my friends Joel and Curtis' radio show on KANM. They broadcast from the basement of the MSC. Their show is every Tuesday from 6-8 p.m. You should listen sometime, it's pretty entertaining. They're pretty...interesting fellows. And they have pretty good taste in music. It's on 1690 AM or you can go to kanm.tamu.edu to listen.

Well, this is all. If you read this, thanks. You should leave a comment. You don't have to be a member of blogspot. Just click comments, then click post a comment, then click post anonymously. But feel free to sign your name, so I know who it was. It's really quite fun and addicting once you start! Byeeee

Confused...

Man, I feel like I have so much on my mind, but I don't know how to say it...or what to say. I guess lately I've been thinking a whole lot about my future. The future is so uncertain. Things change so much everyday, and in ways that you sometimes wouldn't ever expect. Even the things in your life that you think will always be constant sometimes dissolve or change. That's why I've been thinking about the future a lot lately. I'm really curious, sometimes even scared, to know how my life is going to play out. Lately, I've been thinking through things so much and analyzing everything. I've been trying to figure everything out on my own because I thought if I reasoned everything out perfectly and played it out well, everything in my life would work out well. I realized today I can't do that anymore. It just leaves me scared that I am going to mess something up and uptight about everything. It makes me even more sensitive toward stupid situations than usual because I analyze what everything means and I sometimes assume the worst. Sometimes, or actually a lot of times, God has to get me to this point where I feel pretty overwhelmed and confused before he shows me his solution. I guess that's because sometimes I don't realize how stupid my plan is and how perfect his is until I realize I can't do it my way. Today, he showed me that I can't know what my future holds, and I can't make every decision perfectly. But he does know my future and he is perfect. So, all I really need to do is live life and surrender everything to him. He will take care of the rest. Instead of trying to choose the right path to go down, he will bring the right path to me. I can't do it on my own, but I'm so thankful that I have a God that will guide me.

I'm On Steroids!

Today was pretty crazy. Well, I guess the beginning of the day was the crazy part. The middle wasn't very crazy. Who knows what the end will be...it's only 7 p.m. The night is young, especially for me, because I like to stay up late, you know.

Well, like many of you know, I've been sick all week. My cold developed into a really bad sinus/throat infection. The past two days it has hurt to swallow and yawn and just there was always pressure on my ears and stuff. So, I woke up at 6 this morning in a lot of pain, feeling like my ears were going to burst, and I was like forget this, I can't go all weekend like this waiting for antibiotics to kick in. So, I went to the hospital. Believe me, you would have too. It's no fun. So, my first doctor I saw there was some slightly crazy senile guy who seemed like he didn't like his job anymore. He asked me, "Have you ever been to this hospital before?" I told him no and then he's just like "well, it's overrated". What?? Haha, does that mean that the doctors are phonies or something, or do a lot of people die in surgery? It was kinda weird. And then he spent about 5 minutes talking about how I was going to get the flu and I was going to be puking everywhere and wouldn't be able to hold down fluids, so he preceded to tell me I would have to take shots of gatorade out of a shot glass 30 minutes at a time. I dunno why he was talking about that. But whatever. So after him I saw a nice nurse and she told me another doctor would be coming in. I guess they realized the first doctor wasn't cutting it. So this really cool doctor comes in and affirms that yes, I do have an ear infection and tells me that he's going to give me steroids and painkillers. Yessssss. So, about 20 minutes later the nice nurse comes in and puts ear drops in my ears, gives me a steroid pill, and then tells me she's going to give me a steroid shot in my hip. I would say it was my butt, but who cares? So she puts the shot in. The shot itself didn't hurt. It was like 3 minutes after the shot that I was in pain. That stuff was strong. It was like someone punched me in my hip and then the pain ran all the way down my leg. But, anyway, so they prescribed me painkillers and I was on my way. So, now I feel sooo much better. This has been a very stressful/painful week, but I'm thinking that's over. Thanks everyone that prayed for me to get better.

A&M lost to OU. We had a 14-0 lead, but I guess that just couldn't cut it. Reggie came out in the 3rd or 4th quarter, I guess he was injured. I think that and the fact that OU caught some good breaks cost us the game. After all, we only lost by 1 touchdown and an extra point. Reggie would've led us down the field to a touchdown. Probably. Whatever. At least we didn't crumble after the loss to Baylor.

Um, raccoons are crazy. But I'm down with them.

My First Post...in a while

Sooo...it's been about two years now since I last wrote an entry in a blog. K-berker.blogspot.com stayed up for two years, blogspot didn't erase my account. But yeah...let's see, oh yeah. Okay, Tuesday after my running class I was sitting on a bench outside enjoying the cool weather, and I was listening to a CD I borrowed from Sean. When I sat down on the bench, Counting Crows rendition of "Big Yellow Taxi" came on and I just sat there listening to it. I really like that song, and for some reason it stirred up all these thoughts and I started to ponder life and everything. I guess that's when I decided I needed to start blogging again. I just think a lot, and I thought I should write it down...

So, I was supposed to blog on Tuesday, because that was the day I decided to bring my blog back, but this week has been pretty crazy! So when I got back to my dorm on Tuesday I created my new blog account and was just about to blog when my computer wouldn't let me write in the box where you write stuff for your blog. It had been doing similar things like this before, so I decided to download the windows update to see if that would fix it. Well, this was a really big update, so I decided to take a nap since I had just gotten back from running class and I was tired and the update was going to take a while. So, I wake up, and the update is finished and I can finally blog, but I felt soo sick. Basically, I just had a really bad cold and it has lasted all week and I've been stuck in my dorm for something like 4 days. Today I went to the on-campus doctor and he told me the cold developed into a sinus/throat infection. So he gave some prescription medicine (yesss) and now I'm on that. Today, I almost left class because I couldn't breathe. It was the weirdest most awful feeling. All my sinuses are just so blocked up it's hard to get a lot of air through. I'm feeling better now though kinda. I mean, I'm still alive at least which means I have been breathing, so that's good. But, it's a Friday night, and I'm just kinda sitting by myself in my dorm room.

Soo, funny story. Well, you know how I said I had running class on Tuesday? Well, we actually had our final exam that day, which was a 2-mile run on the Rec Center track. I had to make a certain time to get full credit, and I'm not in too good of shape right now. So, I was talking to Sean online an hour before the test and I was telling him that I was going to listen to some good music while I was walking to the rec for my test to pump me up, you know. So, Sean's like, well, listen to "Eye of the Tiger". And I'm like, well I don't have that on a CD, so I guess I can't. But then he's like well I have it on a CD, so come over and get it. Sean lives on the complete opposite side of campus from me, but I really thought this song would give me an A on this test. So, I go over to Sean's, get the CD, and walk to the rec listening to eye of the tiger. You know, I was thinking about how I was "just a man with his will to survive". I was like yeah, this is survival of the fittest. I gotta beat all these people in my running class and run hard for my GPA. I gotta have the "eye of the tiger"...that fierce competitive look in my eye that says no one will beat Kyle Baker. Well, the song didn't help me out too much. I guess you could say 2/3 of the people passed me and I didn't make the time required for full credit. I crossed the finish line and seriously staggered to the side and just layed down. It was pathetic...But I figured out later why I think I didn't do very well. That was the day that I realized I was sick, but I didn't really get sick until later that day. But you know, when you're sick, you don't really realize it because your body is fighting it internally for about two days or so before you start to show symptoms. So, I'm thinking that my body was a lot weaker because it was fighting off this virus inside and I was trying to run really fast, but it just wasn't a good combination.

So, when I was sitting on that bench on the a&m campus, listening to counting crows, enjoying the cold weather, I just wanted to share it with someone. I hate that feeling. It happens every now and then. It's so bittersweet...because it usually happens in the times that I'm enjoying myself the most, but I'm by myself. I just get that feeling that I want someone special to share my happiness with, to share the weather, the good music with. Sometimes I just wish I could know that I can call a certain someone that loves to see that I am calling and just say let's go do anything, and that's fine. It doesn't matter what we're doing, just that we're doing something, together. I'm okay though with where I'm at. Sometimes I find myself wanting someone like that, but I know that God will allow that to happen at the right time. It's just hard sometimes to trust in that, to have faith in that. I worry sometimes that it won't happen like I thought it would, or that it will just never happen period. But that's just me doubting. All this reminds me of a quote one of my friends showed me: "One of the things I love best about God is that He does not frown on our dreams. He simply longs to surpass them." So I don't need to worry, God will bring the right girl along at the right time.

That reminds me...not that I really needed to be reminded. More like that was a transition to my next thought - that God is awesome. There are so many things that I don't understand in this world, and there are so many things I can't handle on my own, but God is always there and He's always constant. Even when I kinda turn my back on him, He's waiting for me to turn back around. When I feel alone or in need, all I have to do is talk to Him, tell him that I need His help. Even when it feels sometimes that I'm talking into thin air and no one hears me, God is always so faithful to answer my prayers and show me that he heard me. And when I feel alone and that I want to share things with someone, He's right there telling me that He's my best friend and I'm not alone. I have such a great God, and I can know I'm never alone. That's tizzight.